Tips for a Stress Free Holiday
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Whispers of Thanksgiving’s approach tiptoed in on Halloween’s heels like a ghostly turkey. The poultry’s initially faint silhouette opaques as the holiday nears and plans for the bird are intricately designed and then numerously altered.
As a daughter, mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, and grandmother, I feel Thanksgiving’s stressful pull at the beginning of November and recognize the internal tug-of-war between family love and how that translates into commitment. Both concepts take a personal toll on contentment.
All busy holiday hosts, regardless of gender or identification, who spend hours organizing, cleaning, and cooking for a Thanksgiving gathering are at the center of this article. A holiday trap was birthed generations ago, with high standards quietly passed from host to host. Frenzied women and men become overindulging chefs, bakers, and Martha Stewart wannabes as Thanksgiving approaches.
The stressful process begins at least a week before the first holiday’s doorbell ring. The ding signifies the feast’s beginning, triggering the alarmed look on the stoic, sweaty face of the exhausted, hunched form under the ingredient-smattered apron.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I recognize Thanksgiving can be wonderful. The house, filled with spicy scents of cinnamon and clove and mouth-watering turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy, feels like love. Those aromas encircle the family and guests like an emotional lasso. Yet, for the busy bee host, all the essential details can create a mountain of unnecessary stress. As a psychotherapist (albeit now retired), I submit an anxiety-reducing concept for use at this and other holidays.
Planning with a Twist
First, list everything you need to do, from grocery shopping to cleaning to decorating. This first task can be old school, on a yellow legal pad, or new school on your smartphone or computer. Go into your writing program and choose the outline template. Set a schedule for each task, and try to spread the work over several days so you don’t become overwhelmed.
Now for the twist! Review the created list and begin to augment changes that will lower your stress and add to your holiday enjoyment.
Convenient Choices Based on Emotional Connection
Your sanity exists in the decisions you now make in this crucial planning phase. When I was younger, I wanted to emulate my mother. I can still picture her table and note which piece of china held what dish. Steamy swirls spiraled toward the ceiling, leaving aroma trails. As an adult, I want to give my guests that essence of holiday love, which my mother modeled for me. However, I completed the goals using different tasks.
Close your eyes and visualize your childhood holiday table. Choose the best parts of your actual or imagined memory if your childhood was less than enjoyable. Engage all your senses. See the colors, smell the aromas, touch the decorative pieces, and remember the taste of each holiday treat.
Combining those memories will create the favorable feeling you’d like to pass on to your loved ones and guests.
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The Essential Changes
-Now return to your original list.
-Add how your mother, aunt, friend, etc., prepared each dish.
-Note how you feel when considering adding that dish to your holiday. table.
-Add how the host displayed each delicacy. (blue flowered casserole, silver platter, glass pyrex, etc…) -
The Holiday Hook
-Note that the ingredients for a successful Thanksgiving meal lie in something other than tireless hours of cooking. The recreated or newly formed tables decorations, delicacies, and full-bellies create bonding that satiates far longer than the third helping of pecan pie.
When I was younger, I baked or roasted each item from scratch. I was exhausted and resentful when guests appeared, and I hadn’t put on make-up or even brushed my hair or teeth.
I now give you permission to create the feeling rather than the homemade food or decor and I challenge you to change your holiday thinking prior to Thanksgiving.
Do you smile when remembering Aunt Julie’s mashed potatoes heaped in the shiny chrome bowl? Consider purchasing a similar container to fill with premade spuds. For a healthier version, check out Kevin’s, or buy in bulk at Costco.
Do the corners of your eyes crinkle with delight at the memory of Mom’s pecan pie in the brown ceramic pie pan? Purchase a similar pan and buy an uncooked frozen pie. Gently remove the still frozen treat from the original aluminum pan, place it in your new ceramic bakeware, and pop it into the oven. It’s homemade, and you baked it. Remember the can of whipped cream or the tub of Kool Whip, which can be transferred to a nice bowl before serving.
Did your family enjoy jellied cranberries or the orange/cranberry variety with walnuts? In my memory, we had both. Each was offered in faux crystal — an ornate bowl or a small container resembling a flattened glass leaf. Find similar containers and purchase the premade maroon side dish at the grocery store.
By now, you understand the drift. Save your energy. Take the shorter route. Buy the premade rolls, relish, and cranberry sauce, and cook that Butterball in a tossable pan, perhaps roasting it the day before. Then slice and layer the meat in a glass baking dish with store-bought gravy and reheat on the big holiday.
A Few Additional Tips
-Set the table on Wednesday, even if that means eating on paper plates and a TV tray until Thursday.
-Ask your guests to bring one decorative item from their childhood to add to the table’s eclectic look. A note can be attached with the items importance.
-Stop whatever you are doing thirty minutes before your guests arrive to comb your hair, change clothes, and dab on a bit of lipstick or gloss, if that’s your jam. Then, take five deep cleansing breaths and let the Thanksgiving love and camaraderie begin.
Follow these concepts, relax your hard-wired patterns and you’ll be less tense, have more energy, and feel grateful, connecting the present moment with the best memories from prior generations.