He came into this world with outstretched trembling arms as his spanking-new voice introduced him with a timid cry. I instantly transformed from daughter to mother and then quickly back to daughter again. This new mother rocked my son within the ebb and flow of heavenly gratitude and earthly wonderment. Then intense rushes of maternal wisdom, girlish fear, responsible maturity, and childhood memories coursed through me. I knew in that instant that my essence had expanded, and my ability to love would never again be as it had.

With all of its complexities and entwined depth, Motherhood offers the possibility to love and nurture at great heights and depths. Diana, the Princess of Wales, stated that “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.” During her far-too-short life, she realized, appreciated, and offered her children the great value of her love. We see the effects in her children today, as they transmit their ability to love to their budding families. 

This aspect of our humanness is so vital that sociologist Abraham Maslow identified the need to feel “love and a sense of belonging” as the third tier in the six levels of human needs. According to this legendary researcher, a person climbs an unseen sociological ladder toward self-actualization and enlightenment by meeting the identified needs at each level. They begin simply, as one needs food and shelter, and become more complex as the steps rise. Although he developed the theory in 1943, it holds its validity today. 

In the late 1800’s philosopher, Khalil Gibran wrote that “The mother is everything. She is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness. She is the source of love, mercy, sympathy, and forgiveness.”

It is a tricky dance to balance the roles of daughter, wife, mother, mother-in-law, stepmother, and grandmother. In a perfect world, each position would blend gently, laying upon each other like a perfectly frosted layer cake. But, life is rarely flawless.

Should this Mother’s Day be your first following a loss or a divorce, know that you will survive. 

1.  Even if you cannot be with your children on this day as they, perhaps, spend it with your ex’s mother, their love surrounds you. Mothering is also forgiveness in its highest form.
2. Blanket yourself in healthy comforts as you mother yourself.
3. Sleep in. Take a luxurious bath. Treat yourself to a gift. Wear your favorite color.
4. Know that your children will honor you–tomorrow or the next day.
5. Remember, ‘firsts’ only occur once. They get easier with time.
6. Call your mother, if you still can, and share childhood memories.

My mother, Evie, still offers excellent wisdom at nearly ninety-two years of age. She explains that “….even now when I don’t feel well or when things get heavy, I still want my mother to give me strength or just listen for a moment. You never stop looking for your mother’s love. Never. She’s too important.”

Happy Mother’s Day–from this Mom to every other mother, stepmother, godmother, grandmother, and mother-to-be. Let’s remember to embrace our essential worth.